Resolution

I hate New Years resolutions, mostly because they're always a distant memory by about 2 weeks after the ball drops.  What's the point in dedicating yourself to a life-altering commitment when you're just going to feel guilty about not following through, then end up eating a quarter of a cake to get over your guilt?  Not for me, suckers.

But I do want to make a change this year, and it's related to this here blog-thingy.  I'm depressed.  I'm constantly searching for something better and it's a futile search, plus my half-assed attempt usually fails me and I'm left with a feeling of emptiness, loneliness.  Makes no sense, does it?  I'm married to a wonderful husband, have two amazing children, a ridiculously loving smelly dog (ridiculous because we call him names all the time, because he smells bad), have a few good friends, really great parents that are still alive and healthy... what sense is there in being lonely?  It's just me, it's just the way I am, and feeling bad about it all the time is one of the things that I continue to do really well, for my entire life.  I've perfected self-doubt.

So here's my resolution - blogging therapy.  For myself.  I want to write a post a week this year, to put in print what is in my heart, and hopefully open up some space in there for things like:

Happiness

Confidence

Motivation

Laughter

Nag me when it's getting close to two weeks apart on a post, because you know I'll feel like a failure if I don't follow through on my resolution.  Then I'll eat cake, then I'll be mad that I devoured so many carbs, then I'll be mad that Craig watched me eating cake while he nibbled away at celery and peanut butter in his uber-perfection with a low carb diet, then I'll be mad at him for being so perfect, then I'll go run on the treadmill for too long so I hurt my hip or knee or ankle...

The list goes on.  Better to just nag me.