Winded

I haven't been able to pause and wonder about my life for a long time - this week has given me that. The scary thing is that I'm not so sure that where I am is where I want to be. That includes children and husband - I'm just not sure I'm satisfied with it all. I know it's selfish and terrible. I also know it's wholly allowed across our culture, not even a wince or a scowl from so much of the population when selfish people do selfish things - how many movie stars and football players missed a child's first step because of something "really important"? A special game? A million dollar movie? Whatever. My point is that I'm here now, a nurse, working for people that have no interest in seeing me succeed or fail - I could wash away into the background and they'd never notice. I'm 31, and I can run 5 miles in less than 45 minutes. I have a degree in math, political science, and nursing. I served my country. I set a world record once. I am not to be passed off, brushed aside, inquired about at a later time. My point is that I'm tired of where I am, and I know that certain people in my life will be so upset that I'm never satisfied, but why would I change who I am now, when it's never really hurt me or anyone I love thus far?

How to get out of this mess?

How to wander somewhere more... appreciative?

I wish there were a Wizard of Oz. I'd contact him right now.