Fuck.
I use this word abundantly, and so for me, the brashness of the word is lost a little. I try hard not to, but I use it around my kids all the time, too. I'm a lot better about not doing it around other children. I know I shouldn't say it around Connor especially, because he's like a little sponge and is likely to use it around his friends at school, but if it's a little mistake I make in parenting than I'm willing to live with the consequences. He knows I love him, he's well fed and happy, and if his mommy has a dirty mouth it's a pretty minor offense, in my opinion.
As far as it goes for this blog, I use the word constantly and without care. I also use this blog constantly and without fearing the repercussions of what I write. The reason? It's stream-of-consciousness writing that helps me to diffuse myself before I explode on someone I love. If I explode on my keyboard, the only thing that could happen is I break it, and have to spring another $30 for a new one. If I explode toward Craig for a simple thing like buying Lunchables, I'm risking creating a rift in my marriage that cannot be mended, and that's a risk I'm not willing to take (usually). So I explode here.
Emotions aren't meant to be held in. I let them out freely and honestly because I don't want to become something I'm not; I don't want to put on a happy face just to please the masses when it doesn't please me. I'm not an unhappy person, and this blog is what helps me to BE a happy person. Really, if I can get rid of negativity by putting it in print, isn't that a good thing?
I've been stressed lately. Isn't that probably always the case in life? But very recently, my stress levels have been elevated, so my entries here have been exceptionally angry and frustrated. I'll get through it. This too shall pass.
I was making cookies with Connor yesterday and he was making me crazy, so I was yelling at him and moving stuff around frustratedly, when he looked up at me with his big blue eyes and said, "Mommy, sometimes you just need to relax."
Bam.
I did.
2 comments:
Who's judging, dude? Not me. And anyone who is...probably is a shithead, and who cares what they think, anyway?
But I am judging you for not emailing me! Judge, judge, judge.
Man I really like your friend Ravneet =)
I also really like reading your blog. It's like a good dose of reality that helps me through tough days, and it's well written! I want to write like you. =) Love ya lizzo.
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