Venting

I need to vent.  I'm really annoyed, and I know that's not anything new these days, but the annoyance factor goes WAY up when it involves Craig's parents, and I'm just about to explode.  I know I shouldn't be doing this to myself, so please don't lecture me on how it's useless stress or whatever logical thought may be going through your head right now.

Brief history of the annoyance:

A month or so ago, Craig's parents mentioned this Halloween event that's going on at one of the campgrounds they go to.  The way they presented this information was not just informative though, it was more like "So, you're letting us take Connor for that weekend in October, right?"

(Um, no.  We're not.  You're too stupid.)

Craig didn't say much at that point; he just acted surprised, which he was!  He had no idea what they were talking about and neither did I, because the really funny thing is... they hadn't ever mentioned it before.  So annoying.  So Craig said something like "We'll see, I mean, that's pretty far in the future so we'll have to think about it."  This, Craig should know by now, always translates in his mother's mind to "YES FOR SURE THEY ARE COMING BECAUSE I EXPECT IT AND THAT'S FUCKING FINAL."

I forgot about it, until maybe two weeks ago.  They mentioned it again, gave us some flyer about how fun it's going to be, and OF COURSE, we find out that 1) I work today, so they can't take him today (which they wanted to), and 2) Craig works tonight, so there's no fucking way I'm going to take Connor and Gus out to some stupid campground with those idiot people when I'm NINE MONTHS PREGNANT... JESUS!
Whew.  Anyway, I told Craig this.  I really didn't want to go, and I really don't want them to take Connor.  They're really really stupid!  But he presented this to his parents differently - he said that they could take Connor if they could pick him up and drop him back off.  I mean, that's OK in general - I'm not so protective over Connor that I wouldn't let him out of my sight in the care of another responsible adult for the day.  Even overnight!  But the fucking KEY WORD in that is RESPONSIBLE!!!

My mom calmed me down.  She said that she would come over after she's done working, we'll hang out for the day and even get pedicures (maybe), and it will give me a chance to relax and prepare for Elly, as well as... well whatever.  She's coming over, so I don't have to sit around all day and dwell on the fact that his parents have my child, and probably everything is chaos around my sweet little boy at every moment of my "relaxing" day.  Mom will help.  I did feel calmer after talking to her, and I thought that maybe we'd all enjoy our Saturday.

But then... we went out last Friday.  Craig's parents came over to watch Connor for the three hours that we were gone.  Connor didn't nap that day, because he's kindof straying away from napping.  But, without a nap, Connor usually goes to bed easily and without any fuss at around 8:30 or even 8:00 on a busy day.  Connor had a cool dinner, a lot of activity during the day, and though he was ready to play with his grandparents, his day was sortof winding down.  There is NO winding down with those people though, it's RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN and then CRASH!!!! I've been hoping over the past four years that they would try a little bit to adopt some of our mellowness, but it's not happening yet.

I told Connor as we were leaving that I had recorded a movie for him on the DVR (which he knows how to use) and he could watch it later for bedtime.  I purposefully gave him a long movie, because I knew that those retards would keep him up regardless; I thought that maybe I could try to make it at least a little normal (with a child-oriented quietish movie... it was something about Elmo).  Craig's mom especially likes Connor to fall asleep on her, so I really really was thinking ahead.  Anyway.

They ran around like mad people until 10:30ish.  Craig's parents treat Connor like he's a baby, and even though he IS a small child, he is really smarter than they make him out to be.  From the stories his mom was telling me when we got home, it seems like they don't understand anything he's talking about, ever.  He tells funny little jokes, has a bright imagination, and is really very literate!  More so than them, even!  But all of the things they found "silly" were real comments from Connor, things that he's talked to me about, or things relevant to him over the past week... real thoughts.  But they let him run around, made fun of how silly he was the whole time, and then probably when they realized that we'd be home soon... they couldn't figure out how to work the GOD DAMNED TV.  Fucking RETARDS.  So, Connor was all wound up but also TOTALLY exhausted, and he really wanted to watch that movie that I recorded.  He can figure out the DVR, but of course they never gave him the remote to let him do it himself, because they always underestimate him.  I guess at some point Craig's mom took Connor up to bed and told him that she'd come and get him when Papa figured out the TV.  He finally fell asleep with that lie in his head - a lie because there was no way Papa was going to figure out the TV, even though he's some "big man" that should be able to figure out all electronics simply because he has a tiny cock.  Connor was on top of his blankets, his daytime clothes were still on, the window was wide open though the forecast said it was going to be 40 degrees that night, and the blinds/shades were open as well.

I know that story is really stupid and I shouldn't overreact to it, but it's just been happening for SO long.  The only reason I was less hesitant to go out that night than I am to let him go to a campground with them is that at home, he's less likely to get hurt or to encounter someone icky that could take him or do bad things to him.  At home, he knows where the phones are, and he knows how to get ahold of someone if there was an emergency.  At home, he knows where the neighbors are, knows where the mommies live, feels comfortable in his surroundings.  So, at home, with crazy idiot adults supposedly "watching" him, he can somewhat manage on his own if it became necessary.  They are going to have him out in some remote campground, surrounded by freaky camper people (they're all voting for McCain because Obama's an "Ay-rab" Muslim terrorist, so that speaks for itself how insanely dumb they all are)...

I'm dwelling like crazy, but I just feel so trapped.  I feel like this kind of stuff happens too often, and though I know we can't control everything in our lives, I'm just so much more willing to relinquish control when it's NOT Craig's parents that I'm giving it to.  I feel like Craig is constantly holding back when it comes to telling his parents that we're adults and can make our own decisions, and he's also constantly giving them more information than necessary... stuff that they'll use against us in the future.  The most awful thing about this all is that I don't feel like I have support from anyone; my family always makes me out the be the crazy person (sorry Mom, you do), Craig's never supporting me in this, Connor likes them because he gives them candy...

But you know what?  Connor gets lots of crap from them.  Gifts, sweets, sugar.  That's what he thinks of when he thinks of Munga Murphee and Papa Murphee - what are they going to give me this time.  When they load him up with sugar he has fun with them, but they then give him back to us to deal with the aftermath.  When he's in the bathroom crying because his butt hurts and his belly hurts from all the crap he ate when they were around, he doesn't link THEM to the pain NOW.  He couldn't possibly; he really is just four years old and those advanced linkages are not part of his development yet.

Blah blah blah.

What sparked this whole huge lingering crappy post was this string of emails that went back and forth between Craig's mom and I today.  Craig, for some psychotic reason, had to tell his mom that MY MOM was coming over while they had Connor out for the day.  As if that's relevant to anything... but what that little bit of information DOES do is it gives Craig's mom a reason for thinking that she's doing me a favor by stealing Connor for the whole day.  I'm just pissy.

Here are the emails.  They're copied and pasted from Outlook, so the first email from Craig's mom to me is actually at the bottom, then my response to her, then her response back to me, and the last email (what I forwarded to Craig) is at the top.

Craig's mom spells "POTATO" with an e.

Message

I figure if you're not going to be straightforward with your mother about shit, I might as well.  And seeing as how I'm pregnant, uncomfortable, and crabby most of the time - I also figure I can get away with it.  Here's the interaction that transpired today; tell me your mother isn't yelling at me and I will promise not to punch her in the face.

-----Original Message-----
From: Ann Beckman [mailto:abeckman@bbcu.org]
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2008 1:35 PM
To: Elizabeth Beckman
Subject: RE: Tomorrow

YES ON THE COSTUME

---

From: Elizabeth Beckman [mailto:ebeckman@aliquant.com]
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2008 1:07 PM
To: abeckman
Subject: RE: Tomorrow

My mom isn't coming over until 4pm because she works tomorrow, so it's really not a beauty "day", more of a beauty moment (if we even go).  Even so, I really don't want to spend the day at the campground - it's hard enough being comfortable in my own house, in my own bed, on my own couch - I just really don't need to add any more complication to getting comfortable.  Thanks for the invite though.

Connor doesn't need any special food or drinks; he really eats normal food like anyone else most of the time, we just try to get healthy options into him during the day (random fruit, veggies, whatever.)  He's not on any special diet or anything though.  Sleep is a precious commodity these days, so waking up earlier than 8ish to get him ready is always something I dread, so can Neil pick him up at around 9?  Also, just because bedtime is really cruddy with both him and Gus running around, it would be good to have him home at around 7pm.  I'll send his backpack with jammies and whatever else he wants to bring, books/etc.

I assume he needs his costume too, right?

- Liz

-----Original Message-----
From: Ann Beckman [mailto:abeckman@bbcu.org]
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2008 12:35 PM
To: Elizabeth Beckman
Subject: Tomorrow

Thank you so much for letting Connor spend the day with us tomorrow.  He and we are going to have so much fun.  The only thing that would make it better is that you and Craig could come too.  If you and your mom get done with your beauty day, try to come out we will be in Brighton- Bishop Lake  Brighton Recreation. on Chilson road.  I always love showing off my beautiful family.  I will have my cell phone with me at all time, and will keep watch on Connor every second.  He is going to be so busy.  If there is anything special food or drink you want for him let me know, I will get it.  It will most likely be hot dogs and burgers but I am having sloppy joes, chicken noodle soup and potatoe salad.  I have organic choc and strawberry milk for Connor and juice and water.  He will need a jacket and if you want me to put him in his pj's before we bring him home give them to Neil.  His bicycle and helmet. If you have any requests please let me know.  We do not have the dogs, they are at the doggie hotel until Monday.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you

Ann & Neil