Sunday, August 31, 2003

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So... today I had to work. Craig and I are thinking about moving back up to Detroit. There are a lot of conflicting emotions going on in my head right now. One of them is that this choice was not my own, and I have a problem with that. It seems that throughout all of my life, everything I ever did was a choice that I made. Even when I was a child, I was defiant. It's very strange to let another person, namely Craig, make decisions for me. Craig has been so passive for this whole time - through all of my dreaming, he has just gone along with me. He pretends like he's listening, and when I'm done dreaming, he stops pretending. So we were going to move to Canada, Florida, Spain, North Carolina, or Savannah, Georgia. And all of those places sound great to me - but I think that I'm dreaming about being there alone without Craig. The only place I can think of where Craig and I would both be happy is Detroit. And that sucks. I do not want to be around Craig's parents 24/7. They make me crazy. Even today, they were convincing Craig that he was doing something wrong by coming home to see me. And he actually thought twice about it. Lied to them. Made up an excuse. The other day when I told him that I was suddenly considering Detroit, he didn't even hesitate. He thinks it's a great idea - let's do it. UGH. I can't even think about the hassle it will be to live near Neil and Ann. Yuck. They really get on my nerves sometimes, and it's a big gamble to be putting this on a website. They probably won't ever even be able to find it. It's kinda fun! That is my biggest problem with moving to Detroit. I hate secrets, and it seems like every moment around them is a secret. They don't allow a person to feel free with their thoughts. I hate it that I have to feel bad for smoking a cigarette around them. My mom and dad wish I didn't smoke, but won't say a word about it, because they allow me to be my own person. Since the beginning, Craig's parents have had control of the situation. Maybe being closer to them will make them back off. I just hope that Craig actually does what I want him to do, and tells them that we need privacy, and an invitation is needed for them to visit us. They cannot look for apartments for us, or for a house. They can't even THINK about pestering me about kids. If I have kids when we're in Michigan, it will not be for a long time - at least until I have my master's degree, and Craig is in med school. And then after I have kids, they can't come over to see my child until I feel comfortable - at least a week. Craig can take that kid to see them - but I need space. I need YEARS of space from them. It's sad, but the thought of them makes my blood boil. Ugh. Think happy thoughts Liz! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Later.

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